Step 1: Make a paste out of herbs. Step 2: Rub it on your face. Step 3: Who's a pretty princess?

The Crohn's truck ran me down. Then it backed up, ran over me again, went forward, hit me again, then sort of parked on my head. Then the driver lit a cigarette and the whole truck went up in flames.

I'm not going to go into details. Is anything as boring as people complaining about their health on the internet? No. I would rather have to take the SAT every day for the rest of my life than rerad someone whining about how brave they are because they puke a lot.

Did I mention sometimes I puke? I am so brave.

The upshot is that, without "commitments," "a job," or "a greater life purpose," I've got some pure, undistilled blogging time. What fun we're all about to have! I'm back!

Please do stay tuned.

The raspberries would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids

I gchatted a friend of mine. Three lines into the conversation, she drops this:

guess what? I went into anaphylactic shock a few hours ago. Apparently I'm allergic to raspberries now


Hells yes, you are! 'Cause bodies are the worst. Can I get an "amen"?

This is what a badass she is: she called an RN friend of ours and described her symptoms through wheezing; had the friend call in an epi pen for her; picked up the epi pen and stabbed herself at the pharmacy, all in one fell swoop.

Healthy people just don't get to do this kind of "Mission Impossible" shit.

My triumphant retur--wait, I had a blog?

My friend Bulwyf (not his name) had cancer and painstakingly blogged every treatment. He is a man of many talents; when I met him, he was a "Top Gun" enthusiast and amateur quilter. Who knew he was also a science nerd and a pretty solid writer?

Once again, acute illness is the rock tumbler that brings out our true brilliance! 

Thanks, "genetic risk factors" combined with "environmental triggers"!

Dude did his research. And he went through a lot. If he could keep his blog going, what excuse do I have for falling into a Twinkie coma?

LINGUISTIC MINUTE: did you know that "coma" is Spanish subjunctive for "comer", "to eat"? Fun fact to know, because "comer-ing" is exactly what led me to be chilling at home on a Friday night in my underwear, not answering my phone and cursing my air conditioner to work harder, damn you! 

My (debatable) mistake is your (debatable) gain, though, 'cause I'm back to blogging.

What fun we're all about to have!

Oh, but seriously, go read The Great Monocytic Purge. I've gotta go see a guy about some cookies.